So, there we were trying to have a baby. And that's basically all we did the next year.
Well, there were a few other things: like buying a new house, changing jobs (for me...again), going to college and traveling to Puerto Rico for a much needed vacation. But we'll get to all that in a minute...
Remember, I was expecting to get preggers right away and didn't. We decided not to tell anyone that we were trying - at least not right away. So, for about 6 months we kept it to ourselves. Which was not easy. My periods were all over the place (don't let anyone tell you that birth control pills won't affect your ability to get pregnant later). I would go anywhere from 27 days between periods to 48 days between! It's a tad hard to get pregnant when your body is unsure of what's happening. Within that year, I think I took no less than 6 home pregnancy tests all with negative results. Each time I was "late" I would wait a little longer than the last time I'd taken a test. And each time my heart broke a little more than the time before. I've never handled disappointment well.
February was the worst. We went to Chattanooga, Tennessee that weekend and stayed at The Sheraton Read House Hotel. It had been 46 days since my last cycle and I was really trying not to get my hopes up and decided that I was definitely NOT taking a test this time. But I thought that it was very possible that I might be pregnant. I thought we might end up celebrating while we were there. But there wasn't any celebrating. I was just incredibly sad.
I struggled a lot with this issue for the next few months.
In the meantime, I had started working part-time at Brian's office. It was wonderful to be seeing Brian some during the day and getting to know his patients and what it was like for him at work. We're one of those weird couples that like being around each other as much as possible and so this worked for us but we don't highly recommend it to just anyone.
I was still going to school and was loving taking classes like Human Growth and Development, Critical Thinking and Statistics. LOVED Statistics and earned an A! But nearly every day, in the car, on my way to class I would hear the song We Thought You'd Be Here by Wes King and I would cry. But I would clean my face and go into class like nothing was wrong and still managed to pay attention to what was going on.
We also started going to Eagle's Landing First Baptist Church in the summer that year. We both wanted to be with young couples and needed to step away from doing so much. We developed some strong friendships there with Bill and Juli Banks, Heidi and Clayton McClure and Amy and Jamie Magee (who was another chiropractor in Brian's office and the reason we started going to ELFBC). Those women lifted me up in prayer more than I'll ever know and loved me more than I deserved. And sometime during that summer I started to be "okay" with not getting pregnant. I realized that Brian and I were "enough". That I was "enough". That, if God had different plans for me, that I wanted what He wanted for me too.
I think I'll go get on the treadmill now...
And we were still doing some traveling. Like Chattanooga (mentioned above), Puerto Rico (which needs it's own separate post) and Bill and Juli invited us to go with them to his parents' house on the Georgia coast in the fall. The second day there I had such awful heartburn and nausea and just dismissed it as something I'd eaten. But about a week after we got home I felt like something was different.
I reluctantly took another pregnancy test, while Brian was at work, but this time two lines showed up in that little window!!! I ran around the house trying to make a way to announce it to Brian. I made a quiver out of some kind of tube and an arrow out of who-knows-what, I put on some overalls and stuffed a basketball in the belly. When Brian got home I nearly attacked him! Poor guy, he didn't know what hit him!
Our third anniversary was two days later and we celebrated by visiting our parents and giving them the good news; we gave them each a gift - a positive pregnancy test.
What did we learn during our third year?:
- Don't get bogged down - Even if you're waiting on something like a baby or a job promotion or whatever it is you're waiting for, keep working hard...keep going out and having fun....and Puerto Rico is a wonderful distraction!
- Stressing out about something doesn't help - Of course, there is no way to force yourself to relax either. God has to bring you to a place of trust. And no one else is more trustworthy than He is.
- Godly friends are priceless - Don't be afraid to reach out first, to take that risk. Be real with people and you will find out who is willing to be real with you.
- Choose gifts thoughtfully - A home pregnancy test stick that's been,...you know...doesn't really make a meaningful or appropriate gift.