Law of Averages

I'm bored.  January Blahs.  Blech!  Patooey!  Rain and clouds, meh.  

I've been feeling less than stellar over the last couple days.   January started out so promising.  But I get easily discouraged and I'm horribly impatient.  

I feel like I am mediocre.  Average.  Sometimes a little less than average. 

I often feel overwhelmed at the amount of knowledge or talent or charm that I do NOT possess.  Like it is the Kilimanjaro of a learning curve and all I'm equipped to climb with is a pair of flip-flops and a water bottle.  

That won't get me very far.

But there are days where I feel I can DO more, BE more than I am even capable of imagining.   That God has great BIG gnarly plans for me.

Today just isn't one of them.   *fizzle*

This feeling will go away though.  Soon enough.  It's good to know that it's just the January Blahs that I'm feeling and that it isn't permanent.  I need sunshine and to get out of the house.  

It helps that I've spent so much time with friends lately.   I had coffee and went to IKEA with my friend Callie on Thursday.  I met Elisha for lunch on Friday.   Kristie came over for a few hours on Monday.  On Friday I'll go over to Callie's house for "Muffins and Makeovers"!  *can't wait!*   And Saturday night I have a "girl date" with Kristin!  Don't know what we'll do yet but it won't matter 'cause just sitting in a parking lot eating  a hamburger with Kristin would be fun!   Now I just need to figure out how to get all these gals together in one place now and then and throw in some of my other favorite girls into the mix!  I foresee a girls' getaway in my future.  

But I will try to do more with this here blog or Shana will pinch me again to get working on it from 10,000 miles away!   Love you, lady!   LOTS  and   LOTS!!!

All these mediocre pictures were taken in the last 14 days.  Enh.  *1/2 shoulder shrug*

I'm determined to click "Publish Post" at the end of this.

It's 11:39 p.m..  And I will not be able to sleep until I write this down.

***********************

I used to think I had a lot to say.  Well, shoot!  I still have a lot to say but I used to think that it was necessary to share it all and I didn't particularly care how it got said.  I lost at least one job and one friend because of this attitude and my careless words.   Saying whatever I felt and exaggerating to get my point across has also at least partially damaged some other friendships.  

I think I've learned to keep some of my opinions to myself and, when I do share my opinion, to distinguish them as such before I speak.   There is a difference between opinions and facts and I know that now.  If you are unaware of the difference, you only need to watch any "news" program on any channel to see the muddled mixture of these two.

I often don't think that what I have to say is worth hearing, though.  To be constantly interrupted, dismissed and often ignored can easily give someone this impression.  

In church, I have often heard speakers, teachers and preachers say things like, "God doesn't need your opinion." or "Too often we come to God in prayer and all we do is talk and we need to do more listening."  I think that last statement is true.  To a point.   

Because God DOES indeed care what I think.  God is listening.  God hears me.   And tonight I just want to say to Him:

Thank you, Lord.  For listening.  For hearing me.  For not rolling your eyes if I'm using too many words.  For giving me your full attention even when I get distracted and can't stay focused.  

Ladies and gentlemen,  He's got great big ears, my God does.  And I'm of the humble opinion that He's capable of hearing you and even speaking to you at the same time.  

"Can't hide it so I gotta make peace with it."

This absolutely must be shared with the whole world.

From the brilliant Anita Renfroe, I present to you...Wrinkled Ladies!

A Question

I haven't had much to say lately.  Have you noticed?   Hmmmm.... Probably not.

And that's okay because that is kind of what I  want to talk about today.

I've been unsettled and unmotivated lately.  I feel like I haven't had much to contribute lately.  I think it stems from wanting to be something or someone else.  A desire to be attention grabbing, head turning. To be heard and people say, "Ah-Ha!  Exactly what I was thinking/what needed to be said."   To be seen and they say, "Oooo..Lovely!"   To be known... even the ugly stuff... and to be loved and admired.

But "I am what I am." - Popeye

Andy Andrews says in The Noticer,
****
        "You are not receiving opportunities and encouragement that people have to share for a very simple reason.  No one wants to be around you."
....
         "Young man, you must become a person that others want to be around!  This is far and away the greatest success secret in existence."
....
         "I believe you should ask yourself every day, 'What is it about me that other people would change if they could?'"
****

I respectfully disagree.   I'm not saying that the opposite is true either.   That you should just be who you are without any concern for what people think:  to be obstinate, unchanging and cantankerous.  

There is a healthy balance in there somewhere.   Loving yourself, quirks and all, as God made you and yet being moldable - discerning what you could and should change in order to be more like Him.   

So, I want to contribute more.  To give more.  To be more than I am.  But I don't want to lose myself in order to be what everyone else wants.   Especially since they don't all want the same thing. ; )

- Do you agree or disagree with Mr. Andrews?


I know this isn't normally the kind of thing I post here but by now you know I'm just a goofball and have come to expect it. ; )

Much Ado About getting Nothing done

I don't really know why I haven't posted since last Tuesday other than the fact that I didn't have much to say. SHOCKING I know! And honestly, most of what I have to say is nonsense anyhow, isn't it? So, technically, you could say I never have much to say. ; )

It has been a busy week, though, and that might be the real reason. Teacher conferences (another tomorrow), projects due (one completely forgotten about but it was only for preschool so it doesn't count, right?), house cleaning, exercising (another shocking occurrence - what isn't shocking is that I did it for 2 days and haven't for 3), football games to watch, pumpkins to pick.

What I want to know is this: Why is it that when I make time to take care of myself (i.e. exercising, showering, getting out of my pj's) that I can't seem to find the time to take care of the house? And, vice versa, when I make time for cleaning the house properly (i.e. laundry, cleaning my bathroom, cleaning my bedroom [hooray! T.V. remote found at last], decorating) that I can't seem to find the time to take care of myself?

Last week I started Jillian Michaels' The 30 Day Shred. I started October 1st with intentions of doing it every day of the month. Thursday and Friday no housework got done. Saturday and Sunday I cleaned the master bathroom and bedroom and I moved a table into the dining room and put away some decorating things and I didn't have time to get a workout in. Today repeated Monday of last week in which I followed Baby Bug around with clean clothes and towels picking up after the sick mess he made most of the morning so all I got done today was some laundry, some quilting and helping June Bug with a school project. *sigh* I even woke up at 6:00 in the a.m. and won't go to bed until 10 p.m. . So it isn't like I rolled out of bed around lunchtime and went shopping with girlfriends and watched T.V. until bedtime. Honest.

Do you have this problem too?

Here are some pics of what DID get done:


Does that qualify as being productive?

Before and After

This post is to explain where the girl in my profile picture went:

For three years (2006 - 2009) I've been growing my hair long. The first reason is because I always grow it out while I'm pregnant because I lose so much hair after having a baby and longer hair hides that I've got a receding hairline.

Me in 2007 with Landon and my amazing doc, Dr. Rob Dyar, of No. Cobb Women's Health.
This was already after 9 months of growing it.

The second reason is that this time, since it was already a little longer to start with, I decided I would try to grow it long enough to donate it to Locks of Love or Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program that make wigs for children with Alopecia and women going through chemo. It took me three years to get it long enough to donate! But by then it was in horrible shape. Tons of split ends and very thin. What's very funny to me is that I was getting so many compliments on it even though I thought it looked horrible. But I had gotten so bored with my look (I'm used to doing lots of different styles with it) that I went and got high-lights - Oops! Big No! No! You can't donate high-lighted hair. I just couldn't take it any longer. The sitting on it and getting sticky baby fingers in it and it's about to get hot. This is Atlanta after all! {Have I given enough excuses?} Patience is still one of those fruits of the Spirit that God is growing in me. It may take awhile; I hope I have enough patience to wait for it! ; )

Me before I left to go get it cut. This is the longest it has ever been.

Well, I went last Saturday to the wonderful, talented, pampering Van Michael salon in Buckhead and told them I wanted it short and fun and edgy. Brian got me a gift certificate for Mother's Day because I've been wanting to go there for years; they have an impeccable reputation and it is well-deserved, let me tell you! I took them a picture of what I had in mind and told them to tweak it so that it suited me. I didn't want the color to go this dark (it would have been too harsh on me and awful to grow out) but I did want one section underneath to be a bright color.Juan did my color, Raena is his assistant and DJ (just back from the Miami salon) did my cut. Mwah!!! Big kisses to all of you because I think you did a fabulous job! My only regrets are that it couldn't actually be donated and that I didn't have someone take pictures of the process and the way that DJ had styled it. I was so excited about the way it was turning out that I didn't think to ask someone to do that for me. Oh well. There's always the next time, right? And believe-you-me, there will be a next time!

I didn't realize, until after it was all done, how much I had missed having short hair. This suits my personality so much better!!! I kind of feel now like a little part of me had gotten kind of lost in that long hairstyle (or lack of it). Now, you can "psycho-analyze" me all you want. That I did this just to get attention or something silly like that but, honestly, I feel like I haven't been letting myself have very much fun lately in my life and it was time to "kick things up a notch!" Consider the notch "kicked up!" I love it! Besides, I've been talking about doing something fun with it for about four years now and Andy Andrews puts it brilliantly in his latest book The Noticer:

"Five seagulls are sitting on a dock. One of them decides to fly away.
How many seagulls are left?"
"Well.... four."
"No," Jones responded. "There are still five. Deciding to fly away
and actually flying away are two very different things.
"Listen carefully to me. Despite popular belief to the contrary, there is
absolutely no power in intention. ... "

Of course, I realize cutting my hair is a very small decision in the grand scheme of things but it does reflect how I want to approach my life. I want to stop talking about doing things and start actually doing them! What have you been talking about doing? Isn't it time to actually do it?!

Rewards

Some of you know that I have been working semi-hard to lose some weight and get into the greatest shape I've ever been in (which wouldn't be hard considering I've never been in good shape). Part of the problem in getting this way in the past is because I've realized that I reward my myself for healthy habits with food! For example: "Oh! I've been so good this week; worked out 3 times and ate mostly healthy at lunch and dinner! I think I'll go order a Frisco-melt, cheese fries, an enormous Coke and a chocolate/orange side-by-side shake from Steak 'N Shake!" Needless to say, any strides I had made during said week are viciously erased by a saboteur - myself!

Well, now that I have had this "revelation" I've been trying to come up with various healthy ways of rewarding myself for good behavior. Unfortunately, most of what I have come up with involve cold hard cash; of which, I have very little.

One of the things I've been contemplating is waiting to cut my hair (that I've been growing out to donate) until I've lost the complete 10 pounds I set out to lose. Can I tell you that this has been extremely difficult?! I love changing my hair and can hardly stand for it to be this long and bo-o-oring and I'm ready to whack it all off and tattoo beautiful pictures onto my bald head instead of it looking like it does. I thought this waiting would be motivation to do better and get rid of these last 2 and a half pounds but I completely set myself back this weekend and tonight with chicken mushroom lasagna from Maggiano's and Arby's curly fries! Aaurghhhh!!! (No, I did not eat them together! Saturday night and Wednesday night respectively - just thought I would clear that up or there would be rumors spreading that I'm pregnant again - which I am DEFINITELY NOT!)

Anyhoo, I'm telling you all this to hold me accountable for what goes in my mouth!

... At least until I get my hair cut! *wink wink*