Wednesday Hodgepodge

Finally joining Joyce's Wednesday Hodge Podge.  Here are her questions this week:

1. Will you watch the Super Bowl? If so who will you root for? If you are outside the USA what is the 'big deal sporting event' in your own country?   We'll probably watch this year.  It will be like watching a Super Bowl rerun or highlight clip from the 70's.  Steelers and the Pack!  How cool is that?  It'd be cooler if it was Steelers and Falcons but ... oh well.  Who will I root for?  Hmmm...I don't really care but it might be easier to swallow our (the Falcons') defeat if we lost to the guys who win it all.... so I guess I'm cheering for Packers.

2. Is ignorance bliss?  I'm going with ... sometimes Yes?  But I don't know, really.  There are definitely some things I would rather I didn't know and there are some things that I am glad I know about because, otherwise, how would you be able to help if you didn't know about it?  Am I being too ambiguous?

3. Which of the seven dwarfs are you? (and just in case your Disney is a little bit rusty, here they are-Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, and Sneezy)  I think I'm all but Sneezy.   Bashful is afraid to speak up and sometimes I feel the same way.   Doc stumbles over his words - so do I.  Dopey is sweet and lovable but a little slow - me again.  Grumpy - well, I can be too.  Happy - this is me most of the time!  And Sleepy - goodness knows I could use a nap!  

4. When you are riding in the car with another couple how do you organize the seating? (Men up front? Women up front? Couples sit together?) And thanks to Lori at Mountain Woman at Heart for the question! Everyone go say hi to Lori.  Depends on who we're with.  Most of the time it's couples but occasionally it's men up front and women in back.  It's rare that we're in the car with another couple, though.

5. What is beauty?  Everything.   No, not everything.   There are a lot of ugly things too (this could be a reference to question #2) but beauty is almost everywhere.  It doesn't need to be defined ... just found.

6. If someone asks you to bring an appetizer or a dessert to a party in their home, which would you choose?  I usually choose dessert.

7. What is your crowd pleasing go-to appetizer?  Gosh!  I wish I had one.  Cheese dip?  Can't go wrong with cheese.

8. Insert your own random thought here.  I sent Brian a link to Ann Voskamp's post today and he sent me this in reply.  Tissue warning!  And, by-the-way, He was 26 and I was 21 when we got engaged but we still got the "you're too young" comment from one or two people.

Our Story - Year Thirteen

 
This is the third time I've started writing this post.  I'm having a hard time writing this one, in particular, because I kind of feel like "What have I not  already covered about this year here in the blog?"   And the thing that sticks out most in my head, that hasn't been written about, is something I don't feel at liberty to talk about.  You're on the edge of your seat now, aren't you?  lol   Sorry, I've touched on it just barely in one or two other posts from this past year so you get Bonus Points if you can find out what it is I'm referring to!  

Our year started out really rough last year and then it all got glossed over and everyone has done their best to sand out the splinters about this particular issue and so, for the moment anyhow, it all appears smooth.  We can hope and pray that it will remain this way but it doesn't mean that the wood is any less warped than it was before. I'm of the opinion that the issue goes much deeper and will probably have to be faced head on one day and I'm hoping that all involved will rise up stronger because of it.

But, as the year has progressed, Brian and I have gone on living this beautiful life and we've had a lot of fun this year in spite of the rocky start.  We had one of the best summers on record and took several little day trips and had at least one "field trip" each week and spent lots of time together as a family.

And this year I've learned so much about photography and baking and I'm just enjoying being creative again.

We now have three children in elementary school and Landon is in preschool two days a week which gives me a whole 6 hours each week to get something done around the house without interruptions!  And we're still making some adjustments and getting organized about keeping up with that much homework and special projects and extra-special parties at school but we're getting a grip on it.

This year really has been overall one of our very best.  I take that back.  They've all been equally incredible; because each year I've learned something new - something new about Brian, something new about our families, something new about marriage, something new about children and, most often, something new about myself.

When I set out to write these posts I figured they were really just for me; frankly, I didn't think anyone else would be at all interested.  But I wanted to remember what we did each year - where we went, when we moved, where we worked, etc., etc..  But then I realized that I wanted to write this for my children.   I wanted them to maybe, just maybe, learn something from us.  Writing it down now is , perhaps, one of the most important things I can do for them.  Will they grow up to be wonderful, generous, God-loving, productive members of society because they read what we went through and what we learned each year?  Probably not.  But maybe it will help them in some small way to know that their parents are just fallible human beings like them and that we didn't always "know it all".   They need to know that we needed grace and patience and kindness just like everyone else does.   And maybe they will see a little of themselves written here and maybe then they will know that they need those things also.

Now go write your story and please tell me when and where to find it so I can read yours too!

Our Story - Year Twelve

After Year Eleven, our routine was firmly established.  Maybe a little too much so.

Cameron was in 2nd grade, Parker was in Kindergarten and Anna and Landon were home with me still.  I had been working at the church for about 3 years and finally just couldn't take the stress of that job anymore and had quit back in September and in November (just after our 11th anniversary) I started watching twin babies at our home while their mommy worked during the day.  Taking care of two little babies, a one year old and a 3 year old proved to be pretty stressful too but the twins were only here a couple times a week and, in February, their parents ended up finding someone to watch them at their own home so it had only lasted three months.

About this time I started to feel like I was in a rut or "a funk".  Slightly depressed.  I even wrote several posts about feeling that way.  It lasted on and off for about 4 months and then just kind of dissipated once I acknowledged it.  I was just having trouble feeling motivated to do anything and kind of restless. I can't put my finger on when it went away or why it did but, eventually, I just kind of snapped out of it.  Hormones?  Perhaps.  It was about that time that I felt a lump in my right breast and couldn't get an appointment to see my doctor for several weeks.  I didn't insist on being seen right away because there is no history of breast cancer in my family so I wasn't in any big hurry to get it checked on.  And by the time I was seen by my doctor (4 weeks later) it had shrunk to hardly anything at all.  Turns out that a similar thing had happened to both my mom and my aunt about a year after each of them had stopped breastfeeding and it had been a year since I had breastfed Landon.  I think my body was just getting used to the idea that it wasn't a baby making machine anymore and was making some adjustments.  ; )

It seemed like we were going and doing something all the time and I was disorganized and kind of scatterbrained most of that school year.  I was always rushing out the door at the last minute and feeling like I was forgetting something all the time.  I blame facebook since that was the year I got on the silly thing.  Or, more accurately, I blame my addiction to facebook!   I've definitely had to scale back on how involved I had gotten in it and had to acknowledge that it was sucking up a lot of my precious time.  There are still days that I spend entirely too much time in front of the crazy computer screen and I have to remind myself to get up before I start growing moss!

I was looking forward to a lazy summer that year and it was wonderful to leave the school routine behind and just relax.  No schedules, no soccer practice, no homework, no special events.  Just playtime.  And that summer Brian and I got to go to some incredible concerts and were spending a lot of time dating each other again.  It was very therapeutic!  "Music soothes the savage beast" after all!

In August I took on a new role!  I had become Aunt Rebekah thanks to the arrival of a sweet little someone! 

In the fall, Cameron started 3rd grade, Parker started 1st grade, Anna started going to preschool and I had just my (2 year old ) "baby" home with me.  We went on an AMAZING vacation, in September, to Santa Rosa Beach, Florida and were gone while our town was being flooded.  We live on such a steep hill that we weren't worried about our house but we had many friends that had damage to their homes during the deluge.  Knowing that it was soggy and dark at home, we thoroughly enjoyed all the sun and surf we were surrounded by.

All of that rest and relaxation and doing things I love had helped me to see things differently.  I was noticing how beautiful my life is.  I was observing how lovely each day was on its own and how blessed I was just to have these gorgeous people in my life.  The routine wasn't bothering me anymore because I was finding that order and structure are not my enemies if I learn to work with them.  Is this the year I "grew up"?  Maybe a little.

A more "grown up" me, a more comfortable me, a more relaxed me celebrated twelve years with her sweetheart that November.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

What did I/we learn during our twelfth year?:

• Babies (plural) are Tough! - Taking care of a room full of wailing 18 month olds or caring for a set of twins is NOT the same as taking care of your own children and is not for the faint of heart.
• Don't Consult the Internet Before You Talk to Your Doctor - During the four weeks I had to wait to be seen for the "lump", I had worked myself into a minor hysteria by reading about breast cancer and tumors and how approximately "70% of breast cancers occur in women who have no family history of breast cancer" but  I had read it wrong and thought that it meant that 70% of the women diagnosed with breast cancer have no family history when it was actually talking about the TYPES of breast cancer and not the women.

• Facebook is Good in Small Doses - It is a wonderful tool for reconnecting and keeping up with friends but if it's taking up more than an hour of your day then it's time to cut back.
• Stop and Smell the Roses - When your schedule has you bogged down and feeling blah then take a break or think about what it is you love to do and then DO it!
• Grow Up - Being a mom means having to deal with schedules and homework and practices and stuff.  Help yourself by getting organized.

Brian's post - click here.

Our Story - Year Eleven

This was a year for settling in to a routine.  Work and school and church and play.  Work and school and church and play.  Repeat as necessary.

Just before our tenth anniversary we had started going to a friend's church in Atlantic Station.  Larry and Kathy had started up a church there called The Midtown Bridge Church and were meeting in FOX Sports Grill in the private event room.  We had been friends with them since 2002 and felt led to work alongside them as they reached out to the city of Atlanta.  Brian and I mostly helped with the preschool children - setting up and taking down the equipment and watching the children during service and coordinating the schedule of volunteers in this area.  Not long after joining them, they had the opportunity to move the church down the street to the movie theater where they had a lot more room for growth.  Larry likes to say that "the smell of popcorn is the new incense".   So each week we drove into the city and had more fun at church than I think you're allowed to!   It's definitely "a church that looks like the city".

Cameron was in 1st grade, Parker was in preschool and Anna and Landon were home with me.  I was still working part-time at FBCW in childcare and things seemed to be picking up at Brian's office.  He likes to say that it's "up and down on it's way up."  Think "line graph"   and you'll get the idea.  Some months are up and some are down but always inching their way a little higher.  (hopefully)  

We had a few very rough months that year and without our friends Shana and Jay we would have had a very meager Christmas.  One night they showed up on our doorstep with a dozen bags of groceries, a Christmas tree and a check to help us out with a few bills.  Looking back, if we had used that money we spent on our 10th anniversary trip then perhaps we wouldn't have been struggling so much.  But, of course, we couldn't have known that November and December were going to be such slow months for Brian's business.  You just never quite know how much business you'll do from one month to the next.  It's just part and parcel, I suppose.  It was tough because Brian was kind of stressing out about it but wasn't sharing with me how bad it was.  But one night he laid it all out for me and we took Dr. Phil's advice and played out the "What If" game all the way to the end.  What if we can't pay this bill and that one?  What if we have to shut the business down?   What if he had to find work doing something else?  What if the bank forecloses on our house?  What if?  

And, in the end, the result was that we would still be a family.  And we hung on tight and business started inching it's way back up again.

That winter it snowed just the teensiest little bit and my dad came for a visit and Landon turned a year old.  

 

 And the boys played soccer in the spring and there was a tornado a mile from our house.

 

 

And my cousin had a beautiful baby girl and Cameron turned 7 years old and Anna turned 3 years old.

And my grandma in Michigan died and Brian and I went up for the funeral.  We visited my family and we talked about how much we loved her spunk and her cooking.  How much we admired her green thumb and her ability to fall asleep and snore louder than the T.V. blaring in the same room. And we talked about how much we missed watching her play Solitaire on her plastic covered ottoman while taking a break from her knitting or quilting.

And then, in the fall, Parker started Kindergarten and Anna and Landon were cuter than they likely ever will be again.

 

 

And I started this blog and we celebrated our 11th anniversary in Savannah
and we took my favorite family portrait.

What did we learn during our eleventh year?:

• Encouragement is Easily Reciprocated - Larry and Kathy had held us up in prayer and had poured into our lives and we wanted to do the same for them.  And then, when we thought we were going to be a blessing to them, we ended up being the ones blessed.  We gave them a year of our physical help and in return we were given so much more.
• Accept Help and Be Grateful for Generous Friends - I don't think we had the option NOT to accept those groceries and gifts from the Howards.  They would have made us take it by leaving everything in the driveway if we had refused!  They had been convicted to be debt-free, which would free them up for the field, and because of this they were available to be generous to us.  I've learned so much from them that it would take several posts to cover all those lessons.
• Go Ahead and Play Out the What Ifs - The What Ifs aren't good to dwell on but when things get really tough then go ahead and play it out to the end and find out what it is you'll be left with.  You may find out that you're left with A LOT more than you thought.
• God Gives and He Takes Away -  This is life.  And He is good.  All the time.  No matter what.

Brian's post - click here.

Our Story - Year Ten

Mom moved in just after our ninth anniversary and we were all getting settled and setting boundaries and trying not to have too many expectations.  But not having any expectations of how a situation will look before it happens is tough and over the years we've had our ups and downs when it comes to living together.  And I'm sure there will be more ups and downs in the years to come but we have definitely been more on the up-side than on the down-side.  (I hope Mom would agree.)  

Every now and then someone will ask me if I recommend them moving a parent in with them or vice versa.  I have to say that I'm very careful about recommending it.  The relationship between my mom and I is very unique.  I won't say that we've always had crystal clear communication or that we haven't had our share of arguments but I believe we genuinely have each other's best interests at heart and we are always working toward understanding one another and try to communicate respectfully with each other.   So, for us, it works.

Remember, I was pregnant too so, when you add in the fact that I had super-charged emotions, it really is quite a miracle that we didn't kill each other that first year!  ; )  Several times people asked me if I was ready to have a fourth baby (I think they all thought we were crazy).   This was my reply, "I feel like I'm in the front seat of a roller coaster and we're headed up that steep climb to the top of the first big drop off.  I have my hands in the air in anticipation BUT  I'm NOT buckled in!   We'll just see if I fall out!"  I was excited but you just never know what it will be like until you go through a particular experience for yourself.  Going from 2 to 3 kids had been a breeze but that didn't mean it would go so smoothly this time.

Landon was born in February, just before Mom's birthday!  Now we had three sons and one daughter and we felt truly complete.  Brian and I felt like everyone in our family had arrived now.  Done.  Fini. Suddenly it felt like A  LOT of people were in this house!  And there were!  We had gone from a family of 5 to a family of 7 in less than 6 months.

Landon was my happy baby.  Cameron had been kind of a serious baby.  Parker had been a sad baby.  Anna was  a funny baby.  But Landon was happy.  And so were we.

We went on two small family vacations this year.  In the summer we went to Lake Hartwell and stayed in a flea-bitten cabin for a few days.

In the fall we went with our friends, the Banks family, to his parents' house on the swamp.  And I passed a kidney stone.  I've given birth to 3 out of 4 of my children with no drugs and no epidural and none of those experiences made me think I was going to die.  The kidney stone made me think I was dying.  Fun.  Thanks, Bill and Juli, for taking care of my babies while Brian rushed me to the hospital.

We were approaching our tenth anniversary and I was sure to "warn" Brian that we had better do something big to celebrate or I was going to be sorely disappointed!   Dinner and no gift was not going to cut it this year!

We decided we were definitely going on a kid-free vacation this year.  Just the two of us.  I was still working part-time at the church and started saving every single penny toward our trip and Brian was matching my contribution.  Brian narrowed it down to three possible destinations and we settled on The Florida Keys as the perfect getaway.

Next to taking care of four kids and the house, that trip was all I thought about for a year!!!

And BOY was it ever the perfect vacation!!!  We very cheaply (via Spirit Air) flew into Fort Lauderdale, rented a convertible and drove from Miami to Key West over the course of 5 days.  We stayed  one night in the Pelican Cove Resort & Marina (I think) on Islamorada, Tranquility Bay Beachfront Hotel and Resort on Marathon and and two nights in Parmer's Resort on Big Pine Key.   We spent lazy days on the gorgeous, nearly vacant beach at Bahia Honda State Park and marveled at star saturated skies at night.  We were introduced to lobster reuben sandwiches and chocolate covered, frozen key lime pie on a stick!

So, with smiles on our faces and lobster and key lime pie in our bellies we celebrated our TENTH anniversary!

What did we learn during our tenth year?

• Personal Boundaries are Healthy - everyone needs space and you need to communicate what your needs are with one another to keep the peace.  Mutual respect - it's a beautiful thing!
• We Had a Limit - We had always wanted four children and I believe God had made that the desire of our hearts and then He fulfilled it.  I think He gives some people a limit and to some He doesn't and we definitely reached our limit with four. 
• Paying Cash for a Vacation is so Freeing! - We had saved up enough money to do exactly what we wanted and we stayed within our budget and had nothing to pay for once we got home! 
• Time Alone as a Couple is Vital - Being together as a family is great but if you don't take time for just the two of you then you're really missing out.   Our pastor recommends this formula:  Dialog Daily, Date Weekly, Depart Quarterly.  We don't get to take a date every week and we don't get to get away quarterly but we try to get in a date at least twice a month and at least one departure each year (even if it's just overnight).

Brian's post - click here.

Our Story - Year Nine

Since the title of this post is Year Nine, obviously we decided to get back on that roller coaster.  Year Eight had brought us some mighty big changes - Baby #3 (Anna) and new attitudes and Mom was getting ready to go through a divorce.  

Mom wasn't sure how she was going to live off of her single salary and was weighing her options.  Should she sell her house?  Just keeping a home maintained was going to be a lot for her.   She didn't want to move into an apartment.  She wouldn't have felt safe by herself.  Should she try to look for a condo or townhome?  She had gotten a good settlement in the divorce but she knew she had to be careful with that money and wanted to do the right thing from the very beginning.  She didn't want to question whether she had made the right decision this time.

We had always talked about her eventually moving in with us - someday far off in the future.  But now it looked like that might be the very best thing to do.  Naturally, this meant we would need a bigger house.  Our little 3 bedroom or her little 3 bedroom would have been a bit too small for 6 people - 3 adults and 3 children (1st world problem as my friend Shana- who lives in a 3rd world country, would say).  Brian, Mom and I all agreed that the best thing to do would be to look for something we could all live comfortably in.

So we started searching for homes. We struck out twice, with two houses we really liked, because they already had offers on them or someone offered higher than us the very same day.  But that was such a God Thing because when we found this house (actually Mom found it on the internet) I knew that He wanted us here.  It was so close to perfect for us.  Five bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths, full unfinished basement (to build out the way Mom wanted), large yard, beautiful neighborhood and fantastic school district.  I couldn't believe that just two people were living in a house that large!  A retired Marine and his wife - the place was immaculate!  (At least it was until we moved in. lol)   So, Mom gave us some of the money to pay off some of our debts so that we could afford the mortgage and another portion was used on construction in the basement.

We moved in Memorial Day weekend 2006.

And that night our 21 year old neighbor had a raucous party until 4 in the morning and, when we woke up, we discovered that one of his drunken guests had run over our mailbox!  Welcome to the neighborhood!  Remember what we learned Year One?  Earplugs are beautiful things.   Richard's place was definitely the party place.  He had a pool and any number of different roomies.  But he was generally a pretty good neighbor but I can't say we were sad to see him put a For Sale sign in the yard the next year.  ; )

We found out about a month after moving in that we were pregnant for the fourth time!  I guess it was a good thing we had moved in to a larger home when we did!

That summer we took a small vacation to Amelia Island - Brian, Cameron, Parker, Anna, Mom and I in a 2 bedroom condo on the beach!  It was wonderful - for the adults.  Poor baby Anna (1 year old) had diarrhea and threw up a couple times and Parker said, at one point, "I don't like the suuun ...and the saaand ... and the waaater...and the beeaach!!!"  It was just too hot.  We left a day early and decided that we would wait to take them to the beach in the fall or spring from then on.

 Parker at the precise moment he was putting in his complaint about EVERYTHING!

Poor baby; look at that pitiful face.

We started construction on the basement later that summer with a complete nut for a contractor.  (The outlets in the back room still don't work.)  So, Mom now has a basement apartment complete with 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, a full kitchen, living room, dining room and office area.  

That same year, Cameron started Kindergarten! My, my, how time flies.  He had such a sweet teacher and the para-pro was just like a grandma to him.

Pregnant and busy and just before Mom moved in we celebrated our ninth anniversary.

What did we learn during our ninth year?:

• Trust is seldom regained once lost. - especially when that person who you've lost trust in isn't making any noticeable changes or showing any real repentance.

• When one door closes it might be because God has another He wants you to go through.
• You never really know what it will be like to live somewhere until you move in. - Isn't it a shame that you're not allowed to have a "trial period" when buying a house?  That would be the only way to find out if the neighbors have a barking dog or noisy parties and whatnot.
• Don't take little kids to the beach in 90+ degree weather. -   Now you may live in Florida  or Southern Texas or Louisiana and are used to it but for the rest of us it's just miserable. And we learned to book reservations at condos with a pool.
• The most "charismatic" contractors are not necessarily the best. - Ask for and call as many references as you can and ask for pictures of finished jobs.

Brian's post - click here.

Our Story - Year Eight

November 2004 was the beginning of a year that looked like an emotional roller coaster.  November was the part where you're stepping into your seat and wondering why the people that just got off the train are stumbling and look kind of green around the gills.  You buckle in and pull the safety bar down.  And the bored teenage amusement park employee pushes a little button that starts you on your way.   

Only the difference here was that God was the one pushing the GO button and He had already been on the ride and He knew when the loops and the twists and turns were coming.  And, because He is omnipresent, He's also sitting beside you with a barf bag and even offers to hold your hair back while you puke up your funnel cake for the rest of the year ride.

And then!  The best part?  Is that when the year ride is all over He's the one that agrees to get on that crazy train with you, once you've recovered your equilibrium and shout excitedly, "Let's go again!  And this time let's ride in the front seat!"

*****************

That whole Seven-Year Itch thing?  I sort of believe it.

Brian was working hard.  Oh wait!  I think I've mentioned that a time or four.  But this year?  His work and making money seemed to take priority over all else.  And this was the year that his former boss cut off the end of his finger by accidentally slamming it in a car door and he asked Brian to come and help out a couple of times a week in his office while he recovered from a reattachment surgery!  Brian was leaving two days a week around 6 a.m. to get to the office on the other side of town by 8:00 in the morning and not getting home until 9:00 in the evening.  

He was stressed out and that is VERY difficult to do to Brian.  He's one of the most laid-back individuals I have ever met.  Which is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.  He  had always balanced my crazy, exaggerating, glass-is-half-full-and-will-be-empty-any-second personality out.  And he was rubbing off on me.  Over those first 7 years, I'd learned more about not worrying about circumstances you have no control over and I was learning to determine that I didn't have control over nearly as many things as I thought I did.  I had been learning these things by his example.

But this year he started to talk to me differently.  His cool, even tones were turning to tones that were sharp, sarcastic and, at times, biting.  And I was not feeling respected by him.   

I was also anxious and even more emotional than usual because I was pregnant.  And with a girl no less!  The estrogen was running rampant!  Oh!  I nearly forgot to mention that I had gestational diabetes this time around and was having to prick my finger several times a day and having to be very careful about what I ate.

I felt like I was all alone.  Like my adoring, helpful husband wasn't going to be so adoring or helpful any more.  Going from 1 baby to 2 had been incredibly difficult, to put it mildly, and I fully expected to go through more post-partum blues and was not looking forward to breast-feeding and taking care of a house and three children all by myself.

Let's throw in some more dynamite, shall we?  Mom was dealing with a personal crisis and it was not something I could have saved her from and I didn't know how or even if I should help - not that I could have.  

How about another explosive stick or two?  One of my dearest friends lost her baby at 24 weeks pregnant.   And that same week I had said some horrible things to another friend, in a room full of our friends, and there was no time-machine to jump into and take back those words.

Volatile.  Vulnerable.  This is how I felt.

There was even one afternoon that Brian and I were terribly worried about our money situation that we had argued and he went MIA.  It was so unlike him to be gone that long with no explanation and I couldn't get in touch with him that I honestly was worried that he had done something really horrible like suicide.  It was awful.  

Then, one night, I laid it all out for him.  How I was feeling and why and he listened without interrupting and his face softened and it all began to change.  We both began to change.

We agreed to clue the other in when we were feeling stressed and we both promised to honor the other's honesty and to listen and be receptive.  

In the midst of all the turmoil and subsequent treaty...Anna was born and she was the easiest baby ever born to any parent in the history of babies being born and my friend became pregnant again and Mom was coming to some important conclusions and I learned to forgive myself (and also to keep my mouth shut) .

And we pulled into the amusement park station and got off that wild ride - queasy and a little dizzy but we had been securely buckled in the whole time.

And we said, "Let's get on again!" and we celebrated our eighth anniversary.

What did we learn during that erratic eighth year?:

• That God knew - He wasn't taken by surprise by anything that happened that year.  And He held my hair back when I had to throw up (figuratively speaking).  And He patted my hand compassionately and reminded me that even when I feel all alone that He is with me.
• How to Prioritize - Making money and keeping that business afloat weren't nearly as important as nurturing our relationship with one another.
• Honesty is the Best Policy - Truth spoken in love.  There's no substitute for it.  Share what's stressing you out.  Listen when your sweetheart has something to say.  Don't get defensive and don't start thinking of how you'll answer them before the questions are even asked. 
• Shut UP! - Just because you HAVE an opinion doesn't mean that it needs to be shared ... particularly when you have received your information second-hand and you don't have the foggiest idea what you're talking about.  And when you feel deserted because you were an idiot and spoke without thinking it's probably because you have been.  And you were deserted because YOU  WERE  WRONG.  Maybe your opinion wasn't wrong but you were wrong in sharing it or the manner in which you spoke.  (This one is strictly for me.  I'm sure this has never happened to you.)  ; )
• This Too Shall Pass - Hold on tight through that last cork-screw turn... the station is in sight and you'll be able to get off that ride soon enough.

Deep breath.  Here is Brian's post.

Our Story - Year Seven

Years one through six had been chock full of changes!  We had moved six times.  We had two babies.  Brian changed jobs 4 times.  I changed jobs 5 times.   

Year Seven started out much quieter.

Brian was working hard and the practice was growing slowly but steadily.  We were barely making ends meet (thanks to a little help from Brian's parents) but at least the ends seemed to be meeting.  Now it was time to hunker down.  We had read Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover and had paid off my student loans and we got rid of the Expedition for a used Chrysler Concorde.  We had our Debt Snowball written down but, quite frankly, it looked more like an avalanche.  Still does at times.  But we knew we had to tighten our belts and this was a good year for it. We weren't concerned with buying a house or a new vehicle.  We were perfectly content to be living in our little house across the street from Brian's new office and the Concorde had more than enough room for the four of us.  And there wasn't time or money for a vacation so, other than a cheap weekend getaway to Tybee Island courtesy of my sister-in-laws parents' condo, we stayed home.

 Look at sweet fat Parker!  I could nibble on those thighs!

Except...those thighs are so skinny now.

Brian's practice was brand-spankin' new and he was being very generous with how much he was charging and who he was charging.  We didn't want to be turning any one away and every patient was important.  After many months of struggle, both outwardly (our pocketbook) and inwardly (our hearts), we had to figure out where he was going to draw the line and how much could be "given away".  It was difficult for us since we had quite a number of our friends and acquaintances coming in to see Brian.  The rent for our office space alone was nearly double the rent of our house and, obviously, there are many more expenses associated with running an office.  Not an easy decision to make.

During the day, I was staying at home with the boys at this time but I decided to start working part-time at church doing child-care in the preschool department, just so we wouldn't have to worry about having grocery money.   And I needed to feel like we had a little "wiggle room".

One of the places we weren't thinking quite straight, however, was in regards to how many children we wanted.  We had always wanted four children and in the spring we thought it would be a good time to start trying to have baby #3.  We tried for a few months unsuccessfully.  Over those few months, though, we decided that now was not the time to be adding any more hungry mouths to the equation and so we put the thought aside and agreed to wait until we were more stable financially.

But God had different plans.

And so now I was pregnant...again.   So much for a quiet year.

That fall another surprise was revealed.  Only this one was not pleasant.  It was shocking and painful, for me somewhat, but especially for my sweet mom.  Hers is not my story to tell but it definitely shaped what our next few years looked like.

Pregnant and hopeful and concerned we celebrated our seventh anniversary.

What did we learn during our seventh year?:

• Owning your own business is TOUGH! - It has its rewards, for sure, but business ownership comes with a hefty price tag.
• Accept generosity... - ...in the form of a free stay in a condo on the beach in beautiful Tybee Island.  It may be your only chance for a vacation.

• Being in debt SUCKS! - We aren't debt-free yet but if you're looking for a good plan for getting out of debt then we highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover (and no, Dave has no clue who I am and I'm not being paid to say that).
• There are good surprises and there are bad surprises - And the results of what happens after surprises are revealed depends heavily on your response.

Brian has a great song choice to represent this year.

Our Story - Year Six

We had been married for five years when our faith was really tested.

We had done the right thing by telling Doc about our plans to move but, sometimes, just because you've done the right thing doesn't mean that the other person will.   Brian had worked hard for this gentleman and had made him a good deal of money over the previous five years but that didn't seem to matter now.   And at the first of December he told Brian that December 31st would be his last day!  (Wow!  Deja vu!)  

There was so much to do!   Brian had written up a great business plan and was presenting it to banks and asking for a small business loan but we weren't having any luck getting a loan approved.  My student loans were paid off and my car nearly paid off but we still had a high payment on a Ford Expedition, a mortgage, Brian's large student loans and plenty of "everyday" kinds of bills to pay.  And we were suddenly without any income what-so-ever. 

One night I told Brian, "I don't know what's going to happen but I do know that I love you and that won't change.  I would love you even if you were a plumber.  It doesn't matter to me what you do for a living and it won't matter if any of this works out like we hope it will.  What matters is that we will be together."

In February we found a great location for an office and we started construction on the build out in a little shopping center just down the street from our church.  Our landlord rolled the cost of the construction into our lease payment so that we needed very little money up front.  We also got a very small business loan and used that for some equipment and supplies.  

We were still trying to sell the house in McDonough and were looking for an apartment or a house to rent close to the office.  And finally in April the house sold!  We made just $1,000 from the sale of the house!  Enough for one month's rent!  But at least we didn't have that mortgage hanging over our heads.  

We happened to drive through the little neighborhood directly across the street from the office just to see if there were any houses available for rent.  There was a For Rent sign in the yard of home at the back of the neighborhood and we stopped to write down the number and inquire about the rent when a woman came walking out to her car.  She asked us if we were looking for a house to rent - she told us she was just about to put hers up for rent but didn't have a sign in the yard yet and she had come to ask this man some questions about how to go about renting her home out.  She was being transferred at her job and would be moving to Miami tomorrow.  She gave us her key and told us where her house was and just let us walk through on our own!   It was perfect and what she wanted per month for rent was in our range!    What a God Thing to meet her that day!!!

In June we opened up the office!  Brian had not worked since December 31st - six months.   And just because he was working now didn't mean that everything was suddenly alright.  But it did mean that there was hope that it would.  That at least now we had something to focus on.  Our family and our friends in our small group at church had all pitched in financially, emotionally and prayerfully. 

I helped Brian in the office for a few months answering phones, checking people out at the front desk and calling insurance companies.  Cameron and Parker stayed in the office with us and so our little family was together even at work.  Naturally, things started out very slowly but Brian was doing what he had been called to do and we were right where God wanted us.  

Depending on Him.  Celebrating our sixth anniversary

What did we learn during our sixth year?

• Do the right thing - It may not turn out the way you hoped but at least you're not losing sleep because of an unclear conscience.
• Tell him - Your husband needs to hear it said that you love him not for where he works or for what he does for a living or for the amount on his paycheck but that you love HIM ... period.
• Back him up - If your husband (or your wife) has a dream then give them enough room and time to try to make it come true.
• Share - Don't be afraid to tell people that you're going through some tough times.  You need someone in your corner praying for you.

And here's a link to Brian's contribution to today's post.

Our Story - Year Five

Cameron was such an easy baby.  We were basically doing the same things we did before his arrival except that now we had an adorable little bundle to tote around.    We could take him out to eat and if it was nap time then he would sleep in his carrier.  He would take a bottle so I didn't have to worry about always having a discreet place to nurse him and that meant that Brian and I could leave him for a few hours and even overnight with grandparents on date nights.  It was just such an easy transition for us to go from zero kids to one kid.

So, I've said it before, but we figured we might as well start trying to have a second baby.   We stopped any prevention in December 2001 and were pregnant by mid January 2002!   Wow!  We weren't expecting that!  But we were thrilled none-the-less. 

Because Cameron was so laid back and I was having another easy pregnancy (exercise during pregnancy is a wonderful thing! and made a huge difference in my back issues) we went on a few more trips that year.

In March we went to Fort Lauderdale/Miami and, naturally, took Cameron with us.   We wanted to stay in the Art Deco district of Miami but the hotel we chose was very noisy and had a band playing at eleven o'clock at night out in the courtyard just below our window.  After an hour of listening to that noise and not being able to sleep I asked Brian if we could please find another hotel.   So he drove down the street a little ways and got us a room at The Westin.  He told the girl at check in that he wanted "the quietest room they had".  And boy did they deliver!  Instead of  a playpen like the other hotel had provided The Westin had a beautiful little crib for Cameron and those "Heavenly Beds" live up to their names!   But at more than $300 a night we could only afford to stay there one night and ended up moving once again to the Marriott for half the price and nearly as nice!  In spite of all the moving around it was a wonderful little vacation.

In May we went to New York to visit Brian's sister.  It was remarkable that they had gotten so much cleaned up in just 7 short months and that the city just seemed to be moving right along like it always had.  It was my first time in the city and so we did quite a few of the typical touristy things but with an insider's point of view and a free place to stay!  The highlight of our visit was running into Liza Minelli in a Central Park restaurant and she played This Little Piggy with Cameron's toes!  She really is quintessential New York, isn't she?  And lovely!!!

For both trips we had Delta "buddy passes" graciously donated by friends which meant having to fly stand-by.  Going from Atlanta to Fort Lauderdale - No problem.   Fort Lauderdale back home - I had to fly with Cameron by myself and Brian ended up having to wait until the next flight.   Atlanta to New York - wasn't gonna happen; that flight was WAY overbooked!  We ended up looking up alternate routes and flew into D.C. and took the shuttle to NYC.   New York to Atlanta - No problem!   Kind of a pain in the neck but worth it to save several hundred dollars.

We had a wonderful summer and celebrated Cameron's 1st birthday and we were doing all the things young couples do: Brian was working hard and doing well and we were taking care of our new home and spending time with friends and family.

One Saturday afternoon,  Brian came in from mowing the lawn and told me he would like to go hear Pastor Johnny preach the next day at First Baptist Woodstock.  I had gone there when I was in college (my mom and step-dad were still there) and that was where we had gotten married.  

About a week later Brian told me that he felt like God wanted us to join FBCW and to be involved in what was going on there.  The problem with this was FBCW was an hour away.  If we wanted to be actively involved we would have to live closer.  Brian had a good job and we didn't foresee that changing but living close enough to church and to work would mean living in Atlanta.   And the cost of living in Atlanta was significantly higher than in McDonough!

Very shortly after we started going to Woodstock, some issues started brewing at Brian's office.  For one thing, due to some changes in a particular insurance company, it looked like the practice may lose about a 1/3 of its patients.  With three doctors there, we felt like maybe that was Brian's third.  That God was saying it was time to leave.    Especially since there were some other problems lurking beneath the surface about how the billing was being done.  We decided that maybe it was time for Brian to open up his own office there in Woodstock and so we  started taking steps in that direction in the fall.

We wanted to be honest and open with Brian's boss about our plans.  Brian shared with him what was going on and Doc said that it was all good and that he would not make any announcements about Brian leaving until everything was more certain and that Brian would continue to be given new patients and work there until Brian's new office was ready.

But he did not keep his word about any of these things.   Instead he started telling patients about Brian leaving and Brian got fewer and fewer new patients.  But we were not anywhere near ready for a move!   We hadn't sold our house, a business plan still needed to be written, a loan procured and we didn't have a location for an office or any of these things; we were still many, many months away from being able to open to up.

And we now had four mouths to feed!  Parker was born in October and was colicky and fussy.  Poor little thing.  His parents were stressed out and I think he felt it all.

The next month we had our fifth anniversary and we weren't sure what the next year would look like at all.

What did we learn during our fifth year?:

• When traveling on buddy passes be creative - Don't just sit around watching flights leave because there aren't enough available seats.  Look at different routes and make it happen yourself because sometimes airline employees won't take the time to do this for you (imagine that!).
• When Liza Minelli asks if she can play with your baby say Yes! -  and then ask politely if you may take her picture and if she seems hesitant because she doesn't have on make-up be sure to tell her how beautiful she is even without it!
• Children are different- No two are alike in the exact same ways.   Accept those changes for what they are and adapt to them and love the differences.
• Be Careful! - When your husband comes in from mowing the lawn and he has "that look" in his eye and you know an idea is getting stirred up in his brain, hold on tight!  You may be in for a bumpy ride!
• Support Each other - And when the situation starts to get a little ugly, trust his judgment and tell him that you do.  When push comes to shove you're still on the same team.   

Brian's post - click here.

Our Story - Year Four

We were obviously so excited to be expecting a baby!  We have friends who still remember how excited Brian was to share a recording of the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat.  Pat Hembree, our Sunday school teacher, had asked for prayer requests and praises and Brian stood right up in class and pushed Play on a little handheld tape recorder!  *lub dub lub dub lub dub...*  WOW!

I was feeling great - and only had to be sick twice the whole time I was pregnant.  Once because I hadn't eaten breakfast and was the passenger in a car that was headed down a winding mountain road.  *Hello, McDonald's customers!  Don't mind me, I'll only be in the bathroom for a second...*   And another time after making some kind of garlic chicken for dinner and that smell put me over the top.  ACK!   

Because I felt so good, I continued to work part-time in the office with Brian until  I was 7 months pregnant. My doctors were pleased with how well everything was going.  I had decided to stick with the OB/Gyn I had before we were married (after all, that's not exactly something you "test drive") which meant we were driving an hour north for each appointment.  We always scheduled on Brian's day off during the week and we would typically eat lunch with my mom, who worked close by, after our appointment. 

My only physical issue was my back.  Thank goodness I'm married to my chiropractor!   Some days Brian would adjust me  before he left for work or at work and then I would be in tears by the time he got home and he would have to adjust me again. 

We went ahead and took a couple of trips that year because we suspected that it would be pretty difficult to do this once a baby arrived.  I was about 6 months along when we went to the Cayman Islands.  Oh my word!  It was so hot and I was melting and the bed was way too soft so I wasn't getting any sleep.  It was beautiful, though, and I LOVED snorkeling there!  I could rest my big belly in that water and didn't have to carry it around by myself...it gives a whole new meaning to "I looked like a beached whale" to see a pregnant woman floating around in a hideous maternity swimsuit.  We ended up leaving a couple days early because I just couldn't take the heat any longer.

We also went on a weekend trip to Hilton Head with Brian's parents just a month before my due date which was July 13th.  Friday the 13th to be exact. 

***********

We had decided not to find out the sex of the baby.  We had several reasons for this not the least of which was that it didn't matter.  We were just so excited to actually be pregnant that we wanted to focus on my health and the health of the baby and not on anything else and we didn't want to get a lot of baby clothes when we needed things like changing pads and a stroller and bouncy seats and ALL THAT  OTHER  stuff baby needs.

The name we chose if it was a boy was Cameron Winston; Winston after my mom's dad.  And the name we had should it be a girl was Reagan Nicole; just because we liked it.

And Cameron Winston was born on June 22nd!

He was such a beautiful baby!  And so easy!   He only cried when he was tired and then he would just smile when you laid him down in his crib and go to sleep.   God was messin' with us that year or maybe He was just letting us remain ignorant enough about how hard having a baby is so that we would want to have another.   Either way, we were thoroughly enjoying it and had a beautiful summer with our brown-eyed boy.  

On September 11th I was laying out a quilt that I was making for him on the floor to get it ready to piece together when my mom called.  "Turn on the T.V.."   I hardly moved from that spot for the next 3 or 4 days.  I will never forget seeing that plume of smoke and dust when Tower One began to fall and Matt Lauer interrupting Katie and Tom by saying, "Wait!  What just happened?"  We were so worried about Brian's sister who worked just down the street from the towers and there was no way of getting in touch with her.  Thank God she was fine and was able to get a call in to a friend who passed the word along to us. 

I wasn't sure how to feel with this new little life in our midst since I had no idea what his world would look like after that day.

But there is healing and there is moving forward and there is living.  And of course that's what we did and we celebrated our fourth anniversary on November 8th, 2001.

What did we learn during our fourth year?:

• Seeing a great doctor is worth the extra effort - There is no substitute for mutual respect and professional confidence.  When you find a doctor that possesses these characteristics, don't let go of him/her for the sake of convenience.
• Surprises are nice - I used to say, "If God wanted me to know the sex of my baby then He would have put a window there to look in."  Of course, I didn't adhere to that with the next two pregnancies and I'm not suggesting that you're interfering by finding out the sex of your baby.  But it was such a pleasant and exciting moment to get "the announcement" once Cameron was born that I highly recommend that if you plan on having more than one child to wait at least once to find out.  It was lots of fun!
• Evil exists -  We already knew this, of course, but knowing it felt different now that we had a child of our own to protect.  And it is up to all of us to teach our children how to love God and others.  There is a need for more light in this dark world.

Brian's post - click here.

Brian's Contribution to the Telling of Our Story

I asked my sweetheart to do me a favor this week.  I asked him to do a post on his blog for each of my Our Story posts.

I love music but music is Brian's "thing".  You know?  And I kind of wanted another glimpse into how his brain works.  I wanted to know which song he would pick to represent each year of our marriage.

Here are his posts - Year Three, Year Eight and Year Thirteen definitely made me cry.

• Our Story - Year One
• Our Story - Year Two
• Our Story - Year Three
• Our Story - Year Four
• Our Story - Year Five
• Our Story - Year Six
• Our Story - Year Seven
• Our Story - Year Eight
• Our Story - Year Nine
• Our Story - Year Ten
• Our Story - Year Eleven
• Our Story - Year Twelve
• Our Story - Year Thirteen

Our Story - Year Three

So, there we were trying to have a baby.  And that's basically all we did the next year.   

Well, there were a few other things:  like buying a new house, changing jobs (for me...again), going to college and traveling to Puerto Rico for a much needed vacation.  But we'll get to all that in a minute...

Remember, I was expecting to get preggers right away and didn't.   We decided not to tell anyone that we were trying - at least not right away.  So, for about 6 months we kept it to ourselves.   Which was not easy.  My periods were all over the place (don't let anyone tell you that birth control pills won't affect your ability to get pregnant later).  I would go anywhere from 27 days between periods to 48 days between!  It's a tad hard to get pregnant when your body is unsure of what's happening.  Within that year, I think I took no less than 6 home pregnancy tests all with negative results.  Each time I was "late" I would wait a little longer than the last time I'd taken a test.  And each time my heart broke a little more than the time before.   I've never handled disappointment well.

February was the worst.  We went to Chattanooga, Tennessee that weekend and stayed at The Sheraton Read House Hotel.  It had been 46 days since my last cycle and I was really trying not to get my hopes up and decided that I was definitely NOT taking a test this time.  But I thought that it was very possible that I might be pregnant.   I thought we might end up celebrating while we were there.  But there wasn't any celebrating.  I was just incredibly sad.  

I struggled a lot with this issue for the next few months.  

In the meantime, I had started working part-time at Brian's office.  It was wonderful to be seeing Brian some during the day and getting to know his patients and what it was like for him at work.  We're one of those weird couples that like being around each other as much as possible and so this worked for us but we don't highly recommend it to just anyone.   

I was still going to school and was loving taking classes like Human Growth and Development, Critical Thinking and Statistics.  LOVED Statistics and earned an A!  But nearly every day, in the car, on my way to class I would hear the song We Thought You'd Be Here by Wes King and I would cry.   But I would clean my face and go into class like nothing was wrong and still managed to pay attention to what was going on.

We also started going to Eagle's Landing First Baptist Church in the summer that year.  We both wanted to be with young couples and needed to step away from doing so much.  We developed some strong friendships there with Bill and Juli Banks, Heidi and Clayton McClure and Amy and Jamie Magee (who was another chiropractor in Brian's office and the reason we started going to ELFBC).  Those women lifted me up in prayer more than I'll ever know and loved me more than I deserved.  And sometime during that summer I started to be "okay" with not getting pregnant.  I realized that Brian and I were "enough".  That I was "enough".  That, if God had different plans for me, that I wanted what He wanted for me too. 

At El Yunque National Rainforest, Puerto Rico

I think I'll go get on the treadmill now...

And we were still doing some traveling.  Like Chattanooga (mentioned above), Puerto Rico (which needs it's own separate post) and Bill and Juli invited us to go with them to his parents' house on the Georgia coast in the fall.   The second day there I had such awful heartburn and nausea and just dismissed it as something I'd eaten.  But about a week after we got home I felt like something was different.

 I reluctantly took another pregnancy test, while Brian was at work, but this time two lines showed up in that little window!!!   I ran around the house trying to make a way to announce it to Brian.  I made a quiver out of some kind of tube and an arrow out of who-knows-what, I put on some overalls and stuffed a basketball in the belly.  When Brian got home I nearly attacked him!  Poor guy, he didn't know what hit him!   

Our third anniversary was two days later and we celebrated by visiting our parents and giving them the good news; we gave them each a gift - a positive pregnancy test. 

What did we learn during our third year?:

• Don't get bogged down - Even if you're waiting on something like a baby or a job promotion or whatever it is you're waiting for, keep working hard...keep going out and having fun....and  Puerto Rico is a wonderful distraction! 
• Stressing out about something doesn't help - Of course, there is no way to force yourself to relax either.  God has to bring you to a place of trust.  And no one else is more trustworthy than He is.
• Godly friends are priceless - Don't be afraid to reach out first, to take that risk.  Be real with people and you will find out who is willing to be real with you.
• Choose gifts thoughtfully - A home pregnancy test stick that's been,...you know...doesn't really make a meaningful or appropriate gift.

Brian's post - click here.