I began writing today.
I've never considered myself as "a writer." Still don't and probably never will but sometimes, especially in times of deep need, I find myself with pen in hand. Scribbling and scratching out my emotions. Ink and paper therapy.
Today I have a paragraph. Tomorrow, perhaps, there will be more to follow. Maybe there won't. But I'm devoting an entire stack of college-ruled paper to an idea and we'll see what becomes of it.
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I wrote this next part over 5 years ago and I've never beat myself up about not writing more than one other entry. It isn't important to me to MAKE myself write. I've given myself enough room to not feel obligated to do so. Writing is for me not the other way 'round. But I'm glad writing is always there when I need it.
6/27/06
10:50pm
Well, I've never kept a journal before, but here goes. ...
With a million things running through my brain like what to pack and buy for our vacation next week, who should I call to teach Sunday School for me while we're gone, things I need to do before we leave and things I've told other people I would do and haven't yet - I can't sleep. Not to mention your daddy is in there snoring away and that never helps. : ) So, while I'm awake, I should start writing. Right?
I hope your brothers and sister won't be jealous later on that I didn't keep a journal while pregnant with them. But since this is, or should be, our last time to be pregnant, I don't want to forget what it was like. I've really enjoyed being pregnant and am expecting to feel pretty much the same this time around. I've been blessed with uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries and each time God has given us a healthy baby at the end. I am richly blessed.
Tomorrow we have an ultrasound appointment and I'm praying everything is going well. That you're growing and healthy.
I love you immensely already and we're only about a month and a half into it. Who are you? Are you a boy or a girl? What will you look like? Will you have brown eyes or blue? We're planning on not finding out what gender you are but will I be able to wait? We waited with Cameron but couldn't with Anna & Parker. I already can hardly wait to meet you. At least tomorrow I'll see you on the screen and hopefully be able to see your tiny heart beating. I love you and I'll "see" you tomorrow, baby.
Goodnight.
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My heart is heavy after reading this because I have a friend who desperately needs a miracle for the child she's expecting. Doctors have expressed their grave concern and prayers are being offered up to The Almighty. Please remember Baby Ella today and send a petition for peace on her mommy's behalf.
